Confessions Of A Rookie Dad #4

Confession #4 - I Love To Burp!!

Babies that is... mine in particular. Having Jett has reminded me just how fulfilling getting a huge ole belch out of such a little person can be. You know the drill. Baby is fussing right after eating so you lay him/her over your shoulder and give'em a few good whacks on the back (don't go all mall massuese on your baby though). And then, if you are a little skilled and a whole lot lucky, your child will momentarily turn into a grown man while he/she expels pent up air in a loud reverberant fashion. There have been a couple of times recently when even I have turned my head to make sure my child hadn't suddenly grown a beard.

Now, there's a difference between needing to burp your child and loving to burp your child. Don't be confused or beleaguered by this statement. It actually boils down to two things: Competitiveness and Mutuality. The competitive nature in us wants to get that burp out and when the burp comes it is mutually satisfying for baby and burper. It's really a win-win situation! But woah to you who are chomping a the bit to grab a stranger's baby and commence burping. There are a couple of things you need to know.

#1 Spit-up is the enemy. One should never attempt to burp without a burp cloth, which in my opinion, would be more accurately named a spit up cloth. Don't be too confident or just lazy because at that very moment it is guaranteed that you will feel all kinds of warm goodness running down your back or shoulder...Mmm Mmmm... or on your nice shirt. It's not worth the risk. Listen, in the words of an old DC Talk song, "I had to learn the hard way. I guess I'm the type of guy who has to find out for my self."

#2 Positioning is key, but it is different for every child. Some like the over the shoulder, others prefer the choke hold or the lap lying positions. There are inherent pros and cons for each, but you've just got to try'em all! The perfect mix resulting in baby happiness and both parental and clothing cleanliness will come to those who work at it. Soon, you too will love to burp.

This is just to get you started with your new burping love affair!

What are some of the finer things you have learned while burping?

~A

P.S. Do not attempt without a burp cloth! Pride cometh before a fall!

Confessions of a Rookie Dad #3

Confession #3 -

I use the word beautiful to describe my son(s).

I know it's against man law or something to use words other than "handsome" or "rugged" when referring to your male progeny, but I'm just being honest. There is something beauiful about this little man. And already, I can tell that our new little man-to-be is going to be beautiful just by looking at the sonogram pictures.

Yes, someday they'll be "extremely good looking", "sharp", "smooth", or "dashing" like their dad, but for now... they're just plain beautiful (in the manliest sense of the word).

~A

p.s. this pic is from here

Confessions of a Rookie Dad #2

Confession #2 - My hands are dirty

For 27+ years of my life I put a low value on the importance of clean hands. What I mean by that is, well... I didn't wash my hands very often. OH COME ON! Don't sit there in your self-righteous hand-washyness as if you really follow the full FDA instructions. Oh and I'm sure that you say your full ABC's while scrubbing the soap from your ultra-hygenic appendages. I'm not saying that I didn't wash at all. I mean I'm not completely disgusting. But my confession is that, since Grady has come along, I have become acutely aware of the dirtyness of my hands. Whereas it never used to bother me to go directly from cleaning the bathroom to eating a nice juicy sub sandwich, now I am incapable of doing so. I have this unavoidable urge to wash my hands before and after every meal and even after working in the yard. I don't know from whence it hath cometh, yea but it hath cometh. I am truly a changed man with clean manos. I have even begun to enjoy something that I have missed out on all of these years: the joy of scented hand soaps. Two of my favorites are Mrs. Meyers Lavender and Bath and Body Works's's' Dancing Waters!

This is my confession. I feel so fresh and so clean clean.

~A

Confessions of a Rookie Dad #1

For quite a while now I've wanted to post about something that is near and dear to my heart, Dadhood. My knowledge on this subject pales in comparison to many other dads that have more/older/nutsier kids than I do, so I'm calling this "Confessions of a Rookie Dad". (btw I get so confused with quotational rules... period before or after the quote?) I don't claim to know a whole lot, but I figured that, before our next little one arrives and I'm up for promotion to the intermediate dad level, I should jot down a few things I've learned.

Confession #1 - I am not Mom

This may appear at first glance to be an obvious statement. That's due, in part, to the fact that it is. But for me the reality of this hit quickly after Grady came along. There is some glaring evidence which proves that I am indeed NOT mom:

I did not endure pregnancy and childbirth. - CHECK

I cannot produce milk. - CHECK

I absolutely do not have a motherly instinct. - i.e. Tossing Grady in the air while lifting him from his chair after eating - CHECK

I do not have a motherly touch. - i.e. diaper changes are strictly function over form... just remove most of the poop and slap a new one on while challenging myself to use the fewest wipes possible. None of this pamper the booty stuff - CHECK

I am not the preferred consoler - Tears instantly turn Grady into a Mama's boy - CHECK

There are so many other things I am not, but that's not to say that I am nothing. I mean come on, I'm the dad for pete's sake! Oh yeah, hooray for dads!!! But definitively, I must confess, as the evidence suggests, that I am NOT mom! And thank God for making moms the way they are. Grady has a rockin mama who has been perfectly fashioned for the job! In fact, knowing this only makes her that much more hotter! Who knows? Maybe there's some direct correlation between my extreme attraction to her "mom-ness" and her present precipitous pregnant state. Wise guys keep asking me if I know how this baby thing works. Hardy har har. Listen here.

Not the Mama!

~A