For quite a while now I've wanted to post about something that is near and dear to my heart, Dadhood. My knowledge on this subject pales in comparison to many other dads that have more/older/nutsier kids than I do, so I'm calling this "Confessions of a Rookie Dad". (btw I get so confused with quotational rules... period before or after the quote?) I don't claim to know a whole lot, but I figured that, before our next little one arrives and I'm up for promotion to the intermediate dad level, I should jot down a few things I've learned.
Confession #1 - I am not Mom
This may appear at first glance to be an obvious statement. That's due, in part, to the fact that it is. But for me the reality of this hit quickly after Grady came along. There is some glaring evidence which proves that I am indeed NOT mom:
I did not endure pregnancy and childbirth. - CHECK
I cannot produce milk. - CHECK
I absolutely do not have a motherly instinct. - i.e. Tossing Grady in the air while lifting him from his chair after eating - CHECK
I do not have a motherly touch. - i.e. diaper changes are strictly function over form... just remove most of the poop and slap a new one on while challenging myself to use the fewest wipes possible. None of this pamper the booty stuff - CHECK
I am not the preferred consoler - Tears instantly turn Grady into a Mama's boy - CHECK
There are so many other things I am not, but that's not to say that I am nothing. I mean come on, I'm the dad for pete's sake! Oh yeah, hooray for dads!!! But definitively, I must confess, as the evidence suggests, that I am NOT mom! And thank God for making moms the way they are. Grady has a rockin mama who has been perfectly fashioned for the job! In fact, knowing this only makes her that much more hotter! Who knows? Maybe there's some direct correlation between my extreme attraction to her "mom-ness" and her present precipitous pregnant state. Wise guys keep asking me if I know how this baby thing works. Hardy har har. Listen here.
Not the Mama!
~A
2 comments:
Aubrey you are hillarious.
I keep checking the blog hoping for Grady on the beach pictures (and pregnant Jennifer pictures.)
I will check back.
Hilarious! I am not ashamed to say that I use at least 5-6 wipes on poopy diapers, whereas Tyra would use 1, maybe 2.
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