Ya'll is the problem!

Let's get straight to the point. Some people have asked the question, "Why Baby Mac?"

The origin of the name Baby Mac is pretty simple really. It stems from a foundational flaw with the whole English language; the lack of sufficient personal pronouns. There are two examples that uncover this linguistic fracture millions of times every day.

The first is "Ya'll"(as most people spell it) or "Y'all"(as Jen spells it). This conjunction has been the subject of heavy scrutiny through the years. It is close cousins with the slightly more pc, "You guys" and variations thereof. The problem here is this, there is no second-person plural personal pronoun in the vast resources of our dear language. This was a glaring oversight by those classic English linguists. If they would've just made something up, who knows maybe the Civil War wouldn't have taken place. North and South would have lived in perfect harmony. But nooo!

The second is equally as problmatic. This is the use of "it" as a pronoun in reference to a baby whose gender is unknown. I think this is just cruel! The heck if you'll catch me calling my very own flesh and blood "It." That's so cold and creepy. Think clowns and Stephen King. There's no "it" in Jen's tummy. No "it" on our sonogram pictures. No "it" monogrammed on our baby's first blanket. No, our baby in these unknown gender / pre-name days will be referred to as "Baby Mac"!

Ain't no child of mine gonna be called "It" ya'll!!!

And that's it...

~A

The Wizard of Ob: Behind the Curtain

Here goes for part two of our baby story.


Our first visit to the Dr. was a success. It was awesome! I was just glad to get in the door. I'm sure every first-time expectant father feels this way at some point in time. I mean, you've heard of this "Lady Dr." all your life, but have you ever been there? Your wife goes for checkups and stuff, but it remains a mystery to you. Perhaps you have even, upon a rare chance, darkened the door of the waiting room. Or you've even spoken with the receptionist clad in unusually bright and busy toucan laden scrubs. Don't let her fool you though, she is only a gatekeeper and her colorful garments only a distraction to keep the secrets on the inside and you on the out. The "real" nurse is the one that comes to the door and calls your wife's name.

When this happens on any other day you continue to thumb through the pregnancy magazine, but on this special day you look at your wife for the cue as if to ask, "Is it ok if I come too?" Swallowing the lump in your throat, you follow her like a leashed chimp and under your breath you whisper, "Lay low, keep your mouth shut"... Quoting the scripture, "Fear not, for I am with thee."

Much to my surprise though, I found my imaginings of sterile bright corridors filled with the sounds of women in the throes of intense labor to be quite unfounded. In fact, the hallway was lined with scenic paintings and tables topped with froo froo fringy leopard printed lamps. There was no screaming, on the contrary, I heard the peaceful sound of soft 80's rock. I think I even heard Delilah telling me that everything was going to be allright. I felt comforted. And, as if that wasn't enough, while they were doing Jen's bloodwork I sat in a cushy (also leopard printed) chair beside a table overflowing with issues of Golf Digest and Field and Stream. I thought to myself, these guys are good. They have really done their market research.

Finally, the nurse called us back to the sonogram room. I think from this point to the time we stepped back out into the lobby was seriously like 3 minutes and 28 seconds. She turned the lights out and we saw a little blob on the screen. She said, "Here's the baby's head." With a couple of clicks and strokes on the keyboard she says, "Your baby is due June 25th, weighs approximately 2.3 ounces, is developing well, all of its vitals are great, it will graduate high school with a 4.0 and have a small freckle on the back of its left ear that they will nickname choclate chip.... Oh and here's the heartbeat... squish squish squish squish... allright, looks like we're done here." She flips the light on. "You can get dressed the doctor will be in shortly congratulations!"

What!? Done here!? Seriously!? Yeah, I heard the heartbeat, but only like four of them. I want to hear more. No such luck. The doctor was pretty much the same. Great guy, funny, but a fast talker. All I remember is, "Hey, pregnant huh? You know how this happened right? (haha) Everything looks good. Any questions? Congratulations! Here's the date of your next appointment."

You mean I paid $40 bucks for that? Thanks Doc. At least we got a couple cool blobby black and whites of Baby Mac out of the whole deal. I'm sure by the end of this whole process we'll get more than our money's worth.

:)

Sorry to be so long...

So long,

~A

"e.p.t. third quarter profits soar!"

Ok, so here's part one of everything "baby story" at the McGowan house. I'll begin at the present. It is December 21st and we are right around 13 1/2 weeks. Yes, we're already through the first trimester and I'm just now posting about how it all came to pass. I hope this is no sign of things to come, although it is my (Aubrey's) M.O. to be a little belated with things.

I guess it all started about 10 weeks ago after arriving home from a trip to Nashvegas. The news had just been revealed by my good buddy Lewis that they were going to have a little one on or around June 3rd-ish. When they told us, Jen and I were in the "I'm not sure if we're pregnant and we weren't planning on it, but we sure did everything wrong if we did not want kids right now" phase. At that, we turned and sheepishly grinned at one another. Upon our return to TXas, struck with the reality that people our age are actually having children, Jen pulled out the one remaining pregnancy test from a three pack purchased during an earlier "phase". That particular time turned out to be a false alarm, but this time seemed a little different. Perhaps because of the faint and barely recognizable plus sign that magically appeared in the result window. Don't you hate it? They give you just enough color to make you think you are pregnant and yet not enough to really confirm. Blasted things!

Well, being the good husband that I am and recognizing the growing anxiousness in my wife's voice, I volunteered to run to wally world and get a real test. You know, one that hadn't been compromised by the extreme elements of a 3 month undersink storage. 13 dollars and 40 minutes later, I had arrived back at the homestead with a surefire "guaranteed within 5 weeks of conception" digital test. This one clearly told us on a "large" LED screen "pregnant" or "NOT pregnant". The definitive answer was fast approaching... the moment for which we (Jen, Riley, and I)had all been waiting. But what did we get? The "large" LED screen guaranteed us that we were indeed "NOT pregnant". Little did I know though, that my wonderful wife had downed a whole nalgene bottle of water so that she would be capable of completing the test. As we read the instructions and result details with the anticipation of an old lady reading Danielle Steele, we realized that there is a reason why they say "don't drink excessive amounts of water before taking this test."

So what do you do? Well, we came to a consensus that neither of the tests was reliable and we should buy more. I picked up the e.p.t. multipack for 7.50. She took all three... in a 36 hour period. Yes, the same faded plus sign every time. At this point, we were pretty sure that we didn't need to take any more tests, so maybe the Dr. could tell us something.


more to come...

Coming Soon!

Introducing...Baby Mac

Boy or Girl - 50/50 chance either way.

Grand Entrance - On or around June 25th, 2008

Name - "Baby Mac" for now.

How far so far - 12 weeks

Be back soon to tell the whole story.

~A